scrubs

After eight years of torture ( read med school ), i was finally going to work in a hospital. Not as a doctor though, as an intern, then a resident and blah blah. The career path you see, the only way up is the stairway,step-by-step.No lifts.Wish there were Fast Forwards in real life too.I was really very excited though.The feeling that i was going to help people, touch their lives and finally do something useful for the human race was overwhelming.And also i get to work alongside beautiful nurses.That's not the point though.Or maybe it was. AnyHu !

Like everyone else i also went through the phase when you don't know if you are going the right way.But unlike everyone else i found that fairly quickly.That was my first day at the hospital.And I somehow knew that this is the place where I want spend rest of my life.And it was not impulsive.The seed was sown long back.I just didn't know that this was the tree under which i wanted my home.I was happy and determined to give my best.Unfortunately life is not what you dream.I had no clue what it had in store for me.The first patient i dealt with was terminally ill. He was young. He was just 19.Although he had a late diagnosis, Dr.Jerry had high hopes.

I too had hopes.Miracles do happen once in a while.He will be alright I told myself.I did everything i could have.I read everything i should have.I could not sleep anymore.After conducting all the tests, we came to know that he had very less time left and the medicine weren't working. He was going to die. My first patient.You know what is the worst part of medicine, telling your patient that you studied 8 years in some med school, worked in some hospital for few years as a intern, for few years as a resident, for few years as an attending, to sum up a decade of work experience, that he was going to die and that you can not do a thing about it. Frick....Frick ..Frick ! Oh, FYI that's just the F-word. As our attending, Dr.Jerry was gonna do that part for me.I went with him. I thought i would not be able to hold back my tears but instead i was amazed.Amazed at the straight face of Dr.Jerry. He gave the bad news w'out a single muscle of his face coming into action. Except those involved when we speak. The point is he did it w'out showing even a hint of sadness on his face.Maybe he's just used to it. Maybe he has been like that forever.

I asked him how did he do that. And then he said something that i will remember all my life. He said, " We are Doctors son, we deal with many patients everyday.We give our best. Our patients look into our eyes to see hope.Hope that they will get better soon. Hope that its all in control.I don't want to ruin all this for them by carrying grief on my face for those who sadly have departed or those who are terminally ill and where science fails and makes us look like handicaps.I would rather keep it to my heart.Because there are others in need of that hope on our faces.I don't want to loose them too.Its not like that i am some emotionless freak.But a doc got a do what a doc got to do !"

Sin City.

Sin City, India

The Court bans three-wheelers with two-stroke engines to reduce the pollution levels and other medical concerns. The decision was not a random move by the authorities. It was needed. People like to believe what they can see for real. They are not willing to buy this slow-poison crap. And those who might loose their only life-line when this law comes to effect, will particularly not agree. Angry reactions are expected on the streets today and hence the city police is on a red alert.

XYZ News, Studio.

An old man is sitting in his god-knows-how-expensive chair facing the glass made walls of his cubical on the 13th floor from where you can see the whole city.The phone on his table finally breaks the long silence. The person on the other side of the line tells him that he should send his team to Harbor Road before 6 pm that day. There will be blood. He was an old friend. He would get his share. The old man finally gets off the chair and calls a reporting team inside. ' I want exclusive shots of the mob, the fire, the blood .... anything you can capture in that hell-hole. Remember you are not going there for social work. You are going there to get me TRP's. Anyone got a problem with that? ' No sir. ' Then go idiots, make me rich.'

Police Headquarters, Sin City.

The police commissioner hears from a sub-Inspector. He has information that the Auto-wallahs union might do some damage today. They are angry and unemployed for life. He asks for increasing the security at sensitive places. The fat bastard has other plans. He orders to withdraw police force from sensitive places.'That union is a big fish Shinde, you don't know about this game yet. It has support from the ruling party. Now don't give me that i-am-a-honest-cop look and do as told.And yeah, put the force to control the opposing party members. They will look to take political advantage out of this.'

Harbor Road, Sin City.

The protest has become wild. The wind has turned electric. The Auto-wallahs union is on the streets blocking other modes of transport to make a point that the city needs them.The city has no existence without them, they are her spirit.But that's not the truth. They are afraid of a different tomorrow.They want it to be what it has always been. They are angry. Very angry.
They are burning buses and taxis. Their voices sound alike and devilish. As if Satan himself has taken the command to execute this shameful disaster.One of the Auto wallahs breaks free from his vengeance. He is staring at a body of an old man who was rescued from one of the burning buses.They could not do anything. He died on the spot. The old man was his father.His only kin.
He could not believe what he saw. He fell down crying near his father and watched the city burn.There was no remorse for this.It was sinful.Though you cannot blame someone for what happened.Everyone played their parts.

But the city lives. Nobody gives a tiny rat's ass .Its amazing how these events stand nowhere in peoples lives.They are just happy because their loved ones were not hurt.The day is not far when it will be your turn to feel the heat.There will be a tomorrow.There will be new people.There will be sins. The show will go on. And the Sin City will rejoice.

Children of a lesser god

It was a small room in the midst of an inner-city slum. Raju lived with his parents and four sisters.He was the youngest.His father had no source of income.He had lost all his jobs because of his severe drinking problem.Every night he transforms into this drunken monster.His mother, Shanti, works as a house-maid and earns just enough to give them food .She prays every morning. All she asks for is a day without any beating from her callous husband,some food for her children and nothing else.But apparently even this is not acceptable to the God.He shows no mercy.As always.As with every other mother in that slum.But still they all have faith in that absentee landlord.

Raju again had the same dream last night.He was in school learning science. At least it will keep him happy for the day. He works at a small food place near the school. At times when there are no customers, he goes to one of the windows of the school and observes curiously.This has become his routine.He has even made some seating arrangement for himself beside the window with whatever he could find in the trash.He has a strong desire to learn. Whatever he learns during the day, he shares it with his sisters and his mother.He praises the teacher and the fact that he knows so much about everything They all stare at him with bewilderment. He tells them he will become a teacher someday.They all laugh.But some where deep down their hearts they have a strong feeling that he will.His eyes say it all.It is his destiny.

It has been a year now.He still visits that window which opens into a world of facts and knowledge that totally mesmerize him at times. His ever increasing zest for learning is unprecedented.It does not bother him that he has to sit outside the class.But when he looks at those who have the privilege to sit inside, he is confused.They seem to be bored by the words of the teacher.They do every other thing than listening to the teacher. He tells himself maybe they already know it all.He later realizes the truth.The unfair bias.

It was one of those days.Raju got off from work early and rushed to his window.The topic today was 'God' and how he created this wonderful Earth.The teacher told the children that God is fair and treats everyone in the same way and that we all should worship him.He came up with numerous stories to support his statement.It was the first time Raju didn't agree with what he had heard.It just didn't feel right.At the end of the class, students were asked to write a few lines on something which would highlight their perspective of God and present it in the next class.After that, the class was dispersed and all went home.Raju was still there.He went inside the classroom and sat on one of the benches and stared at the word 'God' written on the board.

The next day, when the students entered the classroom they were spell bound.They called their teacher.He stood there in amazement.His eyes partially wet.The board read...

"We are born in the slum. Helpless,weak and dependent.We are forced to be like this till eternity.The attempt to break-free makes it even worse.He wants us to suffer.I can't think of a reason.But we accept it anyway.

You are the fortunate ones.He has given you the power to fulfill your dreams.We can hardly dream.But we accept it anyway.But why are you so heartless? You know you can help.You know you can share. But you don't.Still we accept it anyway.The worse part is that you see us as dirt.Nothing more than that.That is not acceptable to us.

You are God's Children and We, the children of a lesser God."

The Pursuit of Complacence

A miraculous journey germinates. You are a tiny little cell.You are at this wonderful place full of warmth and full of care.You just lie there in peace.Sometimes you hear voices which you cannot comprehend.Finally the day arrives.And then you are born.You open your eyes for the first time. You are still helpless and cannot do anything about it but cry.There are people around who love you.They embrace you.You are scared but the love and feeling of being safe in those arms stretches your facial muscles.They call it your lovely smile. You cannot talk, you cannot walk, still you feel free.

And then you grow.Soon you are seven years old. The age of reason.It is believed that the day you turn seven, you become accountable to the almighty.Why don't they tell us this in kindergarten? Life without any rules for a few years....Oh man! that is so not fair.Anyways, you still live in your own world.You still believe that Santa is real.You still believe that dreams are not airy-fairy.You still believe that you will be a pilot someday.You are still unaware of the academic inflation,parental expectations and the bestial competition of the human race.You don't lie.You don't bluff.You are a little angel.

You go to high school.You go to college.You are taller than your dad now. Everything is just rockin. And then suddenly you are surrounded by few similar but utterly confusing questions. What do I really want from life ? What is that which my heart craves for? What is the ultimate purpose of my life ? This happens to everyone. Time being the only variable.Some try to dig deeper. Others go for a bottom's up instead.All in vain.The litany of questions knocks at your door again.And again.

So what should we do? Its simple.No, killing the silent guardian of Gotham City(read Batman) won't help.But it will be a hell of a tribute to Heath Ledger.Its even simpler.Just live along.Just follow your heart.Make every second of your life precious.So that when you look back, those shining moments inspire you for the times ahead.Let time show you your path.Believe in faith.Believe in destiny.And one fine day, you will be there.Everything which you did, will eventually make sense.As Steve jobs said,"You can only connect the dots backwards".The moral of the story is you should never abandon this quest until you find your answers.Don't ever compromise with circumstances.Some might complain that what if we keep wandering in search of our destiny all our life? When will we live our life? Well, may be life is all about discovering who you really are.Death is not the end, rather its the real beginning.Life is just the pursuit of complacence.

P.S Happy Diwali Everyone !

The one that could have been !

There was a time when I had to make a choice.A choice that had the power to change everything.A choice that started the Butterfly Effect.A choice between two disciplines.Lets say D1 & D2.I had no clue.But hey, when you are in kgp and need some funda on anything, and by anything I mean 'anything', there is an awesomely evolved species called 'seniors'.No offenses.At that time, I only knew a few as they lived in some spooky buildings always high with 'tempo' and talked about 'GC ' haunting freshmen where ever they could.All what we cared was just the opposite( read CG). I turned to them for help.They all seemed in favor of D1.Huhaa peace hai bhai.Huhaa job lagta hai.Kuch scope hai !

Meanwhile someplace else, one of my batch mates decided to go for D2 over D1. There was a strange connection between our choices which was not known to us at that point. The mathematics of our grades was such that depending upon my choice, our fates were to be decided.Lethal.D1 seemed to be the clear winner for me.Rock on.I took it.Ergo he got D2 First few weeks were interesting.But soon the interesting became too much to handle.I realized that i always had a few subjects more than him but somehow the credits were always level.

Had the difference been just academic, one could still tolerate. But, Oh My God! It was everywhere.It suddenly flashed my mind that apparently its a well-known universal fact that you should never ever have second thoughts about D2.It has to be D2.Certainly my advisers were from a totally different galaxy. Also, there is a possibility that they ambushed me to become one of them.D2 was a kind of package deal. It offered peace,grab-a-ppo internships,peace,placements and again peace.And yeah, there were girls too and by girls of course i mean non-males.But still.Talking about D1, it felt like the world witnessed a mechanical holocaust and all that survived was beams,lathes,CNC machines and a few good men.Just men.

And now the million dollar question, how do I know everything about him? Well, eventually he turned out to be my roomie and ergo i get to see it all what it could have been.To conclude, it would have been awesome to have got D2. It would have been even more awesome if we both were in D2 together. But after being a part of D1, after experiencing a rare and unique combination of faculties, after the evergreen frustration and the constant abusive responses by fellow students, after almost two and a half years, I proudly say it was all worth it. There is nothing right or wrong about a choice. Its just a choice. The rest is all upon you. Yo Manu !