scrubs

After eight years of torture ( read med school ), i was finally going to work in a hospital. Not as a doctor though, as an intern, then a resident and blah blah. The career path you see, the only way up is the stairway,step-by-step.No lifts.Wish there were Fast Forwards in real life too.I was really very excited though.The feeling that i was going to help people, touch their lives and finally do something useful for the human race was overwhelming.And also i get to work alongside beautiful nurses.That's not the point though.Or maybe it was. AnyHu !

Like everyone else i also went through the phase when you don't know if you are going the right way.But unlike everyone else i found that fairly quickly.That was my first day at the hospital.And I somehow knew that this is the place where I want spend rest of my life.And it was not impulsive.The seed was sown long back.I just didn't know that this was the tree under which i wanted my home.I was happy and determined to give my best.Unfortunately life is not what you dream.I had no clue what it had in store for me.The first patient i dealt with was terminally ill. He was young. He was just 19.Although he had a late diagnosis, Dr.Jerry had high hopes.

I too had hopes.Miracles do happen once in a while.He will be alright I told myself.I did everything i could have.I read everything i should have.I could not sleep anymore.After conducting all the tests, we came to know that he had very less time left and the medicine weren't working. He was going to die. My first patient.You know what is the worst part of medicine, telling your patient that you studied 8 years in some med school, worked in some hospital for few years as a intern, for few years as a resident, for few years as an attending, to sum up a decade of work experience, that he was going to die and that you can not do a thing about it. Frick....Frick ..Frick ! Oh, FYI that's just the F-word. As our attending, Dr.Jerry was gonna do that part for me.I went with him. I thought i would not be able to hold back my tears but instead i was amazed.Amazed at the straight face of Dr.Jerry. He gave the bad news w'out a single muscle of his face coming into action. Except those involved when we speak. The point is he did it w'out showing even a hint of sadness on his face.Maybe he's just used to it. Maybe he has been like that forever.

I asked him how did he do that. And then he said something that i will remember all my life. He said, " We are Doctors son, we deal with many patients everyday.We give our best. Our patients look into our eyes to see hope.Hope that they will get better soon. Hope that its all in control.I don't want to ruin all this for them by carrying grief on my face for those who sadly have departed or those who are terminally ill and where science fails and makes us look like handicaps.I would rather keep it to my heart.Because there are others in need of that hope on our faces.I don't want to loose them too.Its not like that i am some emotionless freak.But a doc got a do what a doc got to do !"