So many people have come to me expressing their desire and desperation to loose weight and when I tell them my way of doing it, they simply start to have second thoughts. No one wants to run five kilometers everyday, no one wants to slog it out in the gym, no one wants only protein diet in the breakfast and no one wants to do away with those sinful little desserts. And hence I pondered upon the dilemma and after putting much thought to it, I have the best solution for such people. Attend as many of "Formal Dinners" as you can!
Some might be thinking what the hell is this guy up to and how can a proper multi-course dinner help to reduce weight. Well folks, welcome to the concept of pseudo-dining where the entire focus is on everything else OTHER than food. You must look razor sharp, you must wear the proper attire, you must not make noises with your cutlery, you must not cross talk with people sitting in front and finally and most importantly you must not eat to your quantitative satisfaction. And also, to state the obvious, you must look satisfied and have that gorgeous little pretentious smile of yours as if you are actually enjoying the nano quantities of food being served to you at a blistering pace.
Now, this whole ball game reminds me of my days in ITBP. There also we had such long dinners which lasted for nearly four hours leaving you even more hungry than you originally were. But there is this another instance that i can relate this to. So, during the training we were supposed to do certain number of pull ups and chin ups to pass the physical tests. Now, initially, most of us weren't able to do many and that's when our CHM told us, " साहब लोग, चिन अप चाहे ना हो, पर तरकीब बिलकुल सही होनी चाहिए ।" Meaning, that even if you are unable to do the actual thing, the procedure should look sublime. It is not what you are supposed to do but it is how you pretend to do, that defines you. Yes yes, inspiration from Batman Begins.
Now, prima facie, a four-course meal seems to be adequate but as they say, do not judge a Formal Dinner by the number of courses it offers. And why are we even counting the few tea-spoons of soup and a minuscule salad as separate courses. There was hardly any discourse they resulted into. Plus, to add to the misery, since around 200 people were dining together, there was no way that all could see the chief guest eating. And hence we had Red and Green lights indicating when to start eating and when to stop. Fabulous it was, waiting at the on-the-mark line, ready to gulp the tiny portions of pretentious food on our plates. They might as well had a yellow light, so that we could figure out which cutlery to use among the whole arsenal kept in front of us and get ready to press the throttle at the hint of the Green. I really felt, most of the times, there was more cutlery than food on our tables.
And then it was time for "Main" course. There is a reason why it is called a "Main" course. If you are going to serve cutlets and two pieces of chicken, we would have to rethink the whole nomenclature folks. I think we had more quantities of food served in the Pro-leagues organized by the Officer's club. And then it was time to raise a toast. And that was followed by a spectacular speech by our Chief guest which goes like, "I must finish this speech really quickly as we all have to go out and have some dinner. I was thinking that I would repeat the speech I made the last time. Why not, it's the same place, same food, same taste as well. The OTs are different but perhaps the faculty would think he is saying the same thing. But i am more than sure that they do not remember what i said as it was hardly relevant. ....". God, what a speech.
And then we raised a toast again. "To the Service!". And as those tiny volumes of apple juice had hardly made a difference, we thought we should go on toasting. To the Cadre, To the District, To Rahul Raj, To Dr. Rajaganapati, To you , To me etc. But then the evening came to an end and we, along with our poorly fed tummies, marched out with a loud outcry "To the Ganga Dhaba!"
P.S. But also, as rightly put by the Chief Guest, these things teach us patience and discipline which impact our lives in several ways, more than we could ever imagine.
Some might be thinking what the hell is this guy up to and how can a proper multi-course dinner help to reduce weight. Well folks, welcome to the concept of pseudo-dining where the entire focus is on everything else OTHER than food. You must look razor sharp, you must wear the proper attire, you must not make noises with your cutlery, you must not cross talk with people sitting in front and finally and most importantly you must not eat to your quantitative satisfaction. And also, to state the obvious, you must look satisfied and have that gorgeous little pretentious smile of yours as if you are actually enjoying the nano quantities of food being served to you at a blistering pace.
Now, this whole ball game reminds me of my days in ITBP. There also we had such long dinners which lasted for nearly four hours leaving you even more hungry than you originally were. But there is this another instance that i can relate this to. So, during the training we were supposed to do certain number of pull ups and chin ups to pass the physical tests. Now, initially, most of us weren't able to do many and that's when our CHM told us, " साहब लोग, चिन अप चाहे ना हो, पर तरकीब बिलकुल सही होनी चाहिए ।" Meaning, that even if you are unable to do the actual thing, the procedure should look sublime. It is not what you are supposed to do but it is how you pretend to do, that defines you. Yes yes, inspiration from Batman Begins.
Now, prima facie, a four-course meal seems to be adequate but as they say, do not judge a Formal Dinner by the number of courses it offers. And why are we even counting the few tea-spoons of soup and a minuscule salad as separate courses. There was hardly any discourse they resulted into. Plus, to add to the misery, since around 200 people were dining together, there was no way that all could see the chief guest eating. And hence we had Red and Green lights indicating when to start eating and when to stop. Fabulous it was, waiting at the on-the-mark line, ready to gulp the tiny portions of pretentious food on our plates. They might as well had a yellow light, so that we could figure out which cutlery to use among the whole arsenal kept in front of us and get ready to press the throttle at the hint of the Green. I really felt, most of the times, there was more cutlery than food on our tables.
And then it was time for "Main" course. There is a reason why it is called a "Main" course. If you are going to serve cutlets and two pieces of chicken, we would have to rethink the whole nomenclature folks. I think we had more quantities of food served in the Pro-leagues organized by the Officer's club. And then it was time to raise a toast. And that was followed by a spectacular speech by our Chief guest which goes like, "I must finish this speech really quickly as we all have to go out and have some dinner. I was thinking that I would repeat the speech I made the last time. Why not, it's the same place, same food, same taste as well. The OTs are different but perhaps the faculty would think he is saying the same thing. But i am more than sure that they do not remember what i said as it was hardly relevant. ....". God, what a speech.
And then we raised a toast again. "To the Service!". And as those tiny volumes of apple juice had hardly made a difference, we thought we should go on toasting. To the Cadre, To the District, To Rahul Raj, To Dr. Rajaganapati, To you , To me etc. But then the evening came to an end and we, along with our poorly fed tummies, marched out with a loud outcry "To the Ganga Dhaba!"
P.S. But also, as rightly put by the Chief Guest, these things teach us patience and discipline which impact our lives in several ways, more than we could ever imagine.
3 comments:
Awesome as always...
To swapil the incessant and avid blogger
Please don't stop blogging. I love your blogs.
It's perfect
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